Unnecessary Apology

You certainly wouldn’t start a presentation with: “I’m sorry to take up your time, sorry you have to listen to me, and sorry that I’m not very good.” It’s absurd to think of saying that in words but a surprising number of people say that with their tone of voice and their body language.

The invisible question marks and the rising inflection we put at the ends of sentences apologize for being unsure. The lack of eye contact and slouched posture apologize for being insecure. The repeated flipping of hair and shifting weight back and forth apologize for being a burden on your audience.

Since over 90% of what we communicate comes through our tone of voice and body language instead of our words, the apology is speaking much louder than what you are saying. In fact—with that percentage—it almost doesn’t matter what words you say.

The good news is that: at the true, organic center of our self, we know confidence on a deep level; we were born with it. We learned to apologize as a security blanket, a way of hedging our bet: “If I apologize ahead of time, I won’t feel so bad when I fail.” I say: I’d rather have you fail standing up for yourself than apologize to play it safe.

Lose the question marks, the rising inflection, the looking away, the slouching, the shrugged shoulders, the flipping of the hair, the shifting weight, etcetera, etcetera, et-frickin’-cetera. “Apologizing” like this doesn’t make me feel better about you; it makes me dislike you. And I don’t want to dislike you; I WANT TO LIKE YOU, if for no other reason than, because you have the guts to get up in front of me and tell me what you believe.